April 18, 2009
Today I feel physically exhausted. My body has natural aches and fatigue and I just seem to be in a meh mood because of it. However! I am trying to not let it get me down and seem to be remaining pretty positive. Shopping today there were a bunch of things I wanted to buy that I didn’t really need. Instead my brain told me it’d be better to put that money towards things I actually would like more and have wanted for awhile … i.e. hoffman clamps, and a new ass cork.
April 17, 2009
I feel guilty because I just ate an entire box of Mike and Ikes. But in regards to my submission I feel .. better. My mind is falling back into it more and more each day. Yes it occasionally has small obstacles, but for the most part I’m happy with the progress I’ve made.
April 16, 2009
I feel like I’m gaining a better understanding as to the way my brain works and why it does that way. I think if I can better isolate triggers and disable them then maybe things will be better. I still struggle with these things, but I guess I don’t make it a huge end-of-the-world thing. I am having issues with remembering to follow honorifics all the time, but it is something I am genuinely working on.
April 15, 2009
I feel happy. Not really much else to say about it, lol.
April 14, 2009
I feel somewhat conflicted, but at least I feel certain of my place being at your feet. I guess I struggle at working past the belief that this is a limited time offer and any day you’re just going to get up and leave for greener pastures. It might be illogical, but it’s still how I think *shrugs*
April 13, 2009
Today I feel very … centered. Balanced. Whatever ‘new age’ sounding term can be thrown out to describe the feeling, that’d be it. I wouldn’t say I’m an optimist right now, but I’m certainly not a pessimist. I’m starting to think things are looking up. And I feel infinitely more calm and relaxed after getting that stuff off my mind last night. I think it’s been hovering over me like a huge raincloud. I wouldn’t say that my reservations and views have changed, but at least I don’t feel so invaded by it anymore. And telling you didn’t have any roadbumps, for which I am very grateful.
April 11-12, 2009
So this weekend I have felt a little detached, a little lonely. This being sick and on a new schedule has really thrown a wrench into things. Not being able to stay up late, waking up stupid early, you having activities, me having activities has totally sucked all the fun out of things. I don’t particularly relish that conversations have been very short and sweet, but I guess I can appreciate quality vs. quantity as well. Trying to -not- whine, trying to -not- complain or blow things out of proportion makes you look at things in a different way. I do still miss you, regardless. Just fyi 
April 10, 2009
Today I feel relatively balanced, and that makes me happy. In a way I do wish I could have spoken to you last night, but at the same time you were right, I really did that sleep. I bow down to your knowledge of the best, or at the very least this time I do lol 
April 8, 2009
Today I find I am struggling with not turning into a crazy jealous psycho crazy bitch. I woke up today with stupid insecurities and they only got worse once I got to the computer. But I’m not freaking out about it; I’m not upset. I’m just … not exactly where I want to be right now.
April 7, 2009
Today I feel …. ugh. That’s about as accurate as I can summarize it. I really cannot focus on D/s and/or my submission right now seeing as how I’m uncertain on whether to pass out again or throw up.
I could very much go for pettings and soothing noises right now. :/
April 2, 2009
Today I feel .. I guess rather alone. I’m not alone, but yet I feel like I am, if that makes any sense. I feel somewhat slighted, I guess because I got home from work this morning and poured all my feelings out, and you didn’t even reply or seem to acknowledge it at all. This past week has been awkward, but at the same time I just feel like an afterthought, again. I just feel like you have random moments where you might think of me, but for the most part you’re too preoccupied to care. So yeah, I guess that’s how I feel today.
April 1, 2009
Anyway, yeah. I am struggling with not getting any time with you this week. I miss you and miss the time we’d spend together. Sometimes I feel like this is one-sided, like you don’t really care if you get to talk to me or not. I know that’s probably not the case, but that’s still how I feel occasionally, and the past 24 hours were like that. I know it’s an issue of the situation and circumstances with my working this shift, but it’s still how I feel and the impression you give off at times. But at least I’m not being crazy drama, so I guess I’m proud of that.
