… that I am struggling with the overwhelming urge to -not- grab a pillow and suffocate Sir in order to stop his snoring. But then I look over and see him laying there, asleep on his back .. laptop still perched on his abdomen and glasses on his face and it makes me giggle. Still, the pillow ….
Conversely I am very proud of how things have gone so far. The dynamic is very present, the chemistry is there also. I am amazed at how when he touches my skin, grips my breast/ass, or seizes a handful of my hair how my entire body turns to fire and my brain shifts to this place where the only thing that matters is pleasing him. And over the last few days he has been doing that … a lot.
In a moment of honesty and perhaps bluntness, today was a day of complete use and abuse. He has been slowly (but painfully) been working over my nipples the last few days. It boggles my mind that he has inflicted more damage with his mere fingertips (!!!) than I could ever do with even my harshest clips. They are raw, bruised, and so tender that even wearing a shirt is causing me to wince. They are also covered with bruises and welts from slaps/pinches, and many round marks from his teeth digging in deeply. He does this thing where he grips my breast and digs his fingers in deep, kneading the flesh .. it’s a new sensation and one that I am enjoying greatly. My marks are beautiful, and (for the most part) discreetly hidden under clothing. I did ask him if he would spend some time giving me harsher/more prominent marks the day before I leave and he chuckled, but willingly agreed. As it is I have bruise on my left thigh that shows where his thumb and fingertips dug deep into the skin. It amuses me greatly. He has very strong hands.
To go with the abuse is the use. I don’t know how else to phrase this other than my cunt is raw. Absolutely raw. I have never had it happen that I physically could no longer produce juices because I was dehydrated from doing so for the prior 2 hours. It just blew my mind. Sir has very long, very thick fingers. Most of the day was spent with my cunt being filled with two or three of these. He is also not a very delicate person when it comes to finger-fucking, which suits me just fine. Between the spankings, the clenching, the fuckings I am -extremely- sore. Granted this also made me a very eager girl for his cock, which I think he enjoyed immensely. I will never understand my mind in the sense that I can be so sore and raw that wearing panties or peeing makes me want to cry, and yet when he brings up the suggestion of being filled with cock *poof!*, all of that becomes irrelevant.
I always wondered if I could be a pleasure toy. The idea of spending the day essentially being used at a whim and beaten when it feels right. But I never saw it as being something practical for me to do, or something I could ever truly execute. It started briefly yesterday, and then some play this morning. We went and did some sightseeing, and upon returning we played some more. But then I found myself craving it, wanting it. I would follow him into the bedroom, or go there myself and lay around waiting for him to show up. I would pout or try and act seductive .. brush my body up against his, lay at an angle that makes my breasts look irresistible. In the end there were probably about 4-5 times where we in the bedroom and he just used me as he wished. Most of the time it was making me ache or making me cum without any regard for his own release. I asked him about it at one point, and he said that he was greatly enjoying what was going on. To hear him say that, to hear him refer to me as his slut while clenching my breast, to call me his property while clenching my cunt, to make me his when he grabbed my hair and cruelly shoved my face into his crotch … I cannot put into words how satisfied it made me feel. The pleasure in knowing my place, and that he wants me to be there, and that what I am doing pleases him …. it brings me a rush like no other.
I’m not sure of the longevity of all this, or even what exactly this all is (that which is not a relationship), but I do know that what it is now, what I feel now, is exactly what I want, what I need, what I crave.
