“Of course we all have our limits, but how can you possibly find your boundaries unless you explore as far and as wide as you possibly can? I would rather fail in an attempt at something new and uncharted than safely succeed in a repeat of something I have done.” – A. E. Hotchner
I’ve never made it a secret that I have a sensitivity to latex; the first vibrator I ever owned used to make me so nauseous and ill that I was incapacitated for a good two days. When I was about 18 my doctor diagnosed the issue and told me to stop using condoms and rely on other forms of birth control. Even I recognized that’s not a sensible option, as condoms are a vital tool in minimizing exposure to STDs. So my general principle over the years has been that my partner and I would use condoms until I felt comfortable and secure in our relationship. At that stage, the gloves came off, so to speak.
Times have changed though, and condoms now come in materials that are latex-free. During my last relationship there was only one company that manufactured them, and they came at a hefty price (about $5 each). In my current relationship, we’ve discovered that about three different brands now carry alternatives that, while still more pricey than latex condoms, average about to about $1-$1.50 a pop. With more affordable options, why stop using them?
V has a long-standing history with condoms – for the most part either relationships were pretty non-committal, or no other forms of birth control were being practiced. So other than the odd incident of non-practice, he hasn’t really done otherwise. I, on the other hand, have a long-standing history with the pill and not using condoms. And I like cum – on me, in me, anywhere really – I like it. Using condoms limits my exposure to cum, unless we’re talking handjobs or blowjobs. While I respect the idea of being safe, I also can appreciate the fact that we don’t need to be overly safe.
About four weeks ago I threw out the idea of having sex without condoms. We’ve been sexually exclusive since the start, which put us just over five months at that point. I could tell immediately that he wasn’t completely comfortable with the idea, so I was surprised when he indulged me that night. I wasn’t surprised when the following week he went back to using condoms again.
What did surprise me was last weekend, when making our way up the stairs we ended up stopping and fucking right there. Well okay, that part didn’t surprise me, but the fact that he went in without a condom did. For the entire weekend, I got his cock in my favorite way even though condoms were easily within reach. I figured he had done the math and guestimated that it was a low-risk period. But when I saw him Wednesday and the same thing happened again, I started to wonder what was going on.
While I am completely okay with switching to fucking this way, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me slightly. The extent of us talking about this consisted of me saying “I’m good with going that route, and if you feel that way at some point then we can talk about it”. But we never seemed to reach that point of talking about it, of verbally agreeing that condoms were old school for us. At one point I remember laying there and thinking “isn’t this kind of like rape? I never agreed to this before we started”. It certainly didn’t feel like rape (it actually felt really good), and it certainly didn’t feel wrong (oh definitely not at all). And I was willing to concede that I had said last month if he wanted to go that route I’d be open to it .. but we never actually agreed to it, now did we?
It’s got me somewhat wondering as to whether there is an expiry date on consent – just because you agree to something six months ago, and it doesn’t happen, does it mean that nine months later it could just occur without rediscussion and it’s still okay? I understand that in any dynamic (D/s included) you have certain understandings – you don’t ask to have sex every time you’re about to have it, you don’t ask to kiss each time before you do it, and you don’t ask each time you want to grab your submissive by the hair and shove your cock down their throat. It’s implied consent, meaning that if you’ve agreed to it once and not indicated any adversion to it, well it lasts unless someone says otherwise. Had I said something on the stairs, had I stopped him before he entered me, that consent would have been revoked until it had been discussed and re-established.
Granted we’re talking about a span that wasn’t even a full 30 days, so in this situation it’s safe to assume that I wouldn’t have changed my mind in that short a period of time. Had it been six months later, it might have yielded a different reaction from me at the time. As a courtesy, some advance notice wouldn’t be a bad thing.
In my case, the end result was definitely worth it.
