“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your mind off your goals.” – Anonymous
I found that today’s quote rather ‘hit the nail on the head’ for me with this current topic of thought. I find myself back in my apartment, curled up on the couch with my laptop and a cup of coffee, and with this familiarity is the overwhelming urge to write. I didn’t have a topic picked, but one rather fell into my lap …
With the new year comes new training, and Sir has reminded me of his desire to have me anally trained so that I can service him on multiple levels. I don’t have an issue with this as a general scheme, but I do have reservations about the training process itself. The main reason I am not into anal is because I don’t find it to be a particularly hygenic process. You are talking about shoving a cock into an area which is, essentially, your body’s sewage system. It is filled with bacteria and waste residue .. and you want to put your cock into that?? It boggles my mind. I know a lot of people are into it because it’s taboo, because it can be humiliating, because its muscles make it tight, but from a scientific level I just want to scream out ‘why?!?!’.
When discussing this process with Sir, I stated off the bat the same rule I had with my exes: if you go in the back, it’s not going in the front or the head for about a month. It’s not a tactic designed to dissuade, but it’s just my icky factor. I know you can do enemas, but really would that get rid of every little bit? I doubt it. So there will still be poop juices all over the skin on the cock and …. *gags*. Not sanitary. Being a girl that greatly appreciates cock, loving the feel and sensation of being filled by one, or suckling one in her mouth .. ahem, either way I wouldn’t want to deprive myself of his cock as well. My way around the situation was using a condom; this way even after an enema there wouldn’t be the risk of stray poop drops clinging to his penis. Naturally he wasn’t against the idea, but wasn’t exactly for the idea either. I mean, part of the process is the whole sensation I’m sure. But what other options do you have when the reservations of the person are not based upon the idea of trauma and hurt, but are more based off of a hygiene level? You’re somewhat limited, and unfortunately it’s not a fear I foresee myself getting over anytime soon.
But back to the training process itself. I have a shopping list that Sir has provided me with, consisting of : (1) a narrow but longer butt plug, (2) a shorter, stubbier plug, and (3) an enema kit. Each of these plugs are to be designed for beginners because he wants me to get used to having something in there, plus he wants me to figure out what size/shape/fullness I prefer. He seems to assume that I’ll enjoy larger vs. smaller, but I think that might be wishful thinking on his part.
I’m honestly not completely sure where I stand on the anal training. I feel like it would be one thing for me to be going through the process with him beside me, guiding me through it. However I feel like it’s another one entirely for me to be physically on my own and doing this. I know there are pros and cons, such as I’ll probably get over the humiliation of the enema process easier being on my own than having to do it for the first time with him watching. But then I still have to deal with shoving these things in my ass, knowing that I’m doing this to myself. I wonder if I might grow to develop some resentment towards the process if I do not enjoy the sensation of being plugged. In my mind it is one thing to have someone do it to you, but another for you to do it to yourself. Even working off the logic that he is the one telling me to do it, I still carry the option to stop the process before it begins.
So my goal is to be prepared for whatever way in which he chooses to use my ass. My obstacle is the objects I actually have to put in there to prepare. I really don’t know how to feel about the entire process, but I guess time will tell. This something I want, not something he is pushing me into, which makes the situation a little different for me. Sir has stated on numerous occasions that, though he does like ass play, he is okay without it due to my reasons for not participating. So this whole process of trying to warm myself up to it is really my own doing.
I should really stop blogging about the process of shoving things in my ass. It’s procrastination at the purchasing of said items. I think this means I need lube too, oh dear … O_o
