Rituals and Tasks

“They perform all sorts of rituals, but they do not obtain liberation through them.” – Sri Guru Granth Sahib

In the early stages of meeting up, he had initiated a few rules/tasks that were to be the foundation of the D/s dynamic between us.  They didn’t appear to be anything overly complicated, but something there to merely reinforce the fact that he exerts some extent of control over my life.  Dominants frequently use this as a method of grooming a submissive, starting out easy and then eventually progressing into tasks that may be harder and harder.  For instance, starting out with something pretty simplistic as, say, making the bed.  But over time this can progress into harder tasks until you reach stages of greater submission (i.e. dietary control).

Going back to the point, I had some pretty elemetary rules to work with as a means of reminding myself of my place, and to whom I (essentially) belong.  These consist of making the bed, having Sir decide my undergarments and perfume scent daily, blogging at least 3 times per week, checking social engagements with him ahead of time, and only consuming alcohol or engaging in intimate acts with his permission prior to their occurance. Also, no orgasms without his permission. In all honesty, these are acceptable and are pretty easy to not mess up.  And yet, apparently I did.

So why are these tasks and rituals important?  Well, other than the fact that (as stated) they put the submissive in the proper state of mind.  They remind them of their place, and in a sense the fact that they do not have absolute control over every little thing in their life.  In fact, the removal of the ‘little things’ would probably drive this point home even further, since they may seem as menial tasks, yet their impact will be significant because of their repetitious nature.  Having a daily/weekly/monthly/hourly/constant reminders of where you are and what you are doing are good because they reinforce your submission, and the state of mind that accompanies it.

As for the dominant, these are act as telltale signs as to the seriousness that a submissive has for their role.  If it is simple tasks, and they seem unable to even complete these, they appear to not be that interested in fulfilling the role they have undertaken.  In example, if you had a rule of sending an email each day when you wake up and you couldn’t be bothered to do so most of the time, then you’re not taking it very seriously.  So rituals and tasks can serve as a good gauge for a Dominant to see where the submissive’s mindset is.  The other possibility is that maybe it shows the submissive as trying, but just being unable to do things, so it opens the path of communication to possible issues that might be resolved.  So an inability to follow rituals might have underlying issues that normally would not have been brought up.  Going back to the prospect of a gauge, tasks give a strong indicator of how things are progressing.  If the submissive is showing no issues with a current list of tasks, then  more can be added onto it to further the process before the risk of it becoming mundane.  Plus, this also works to further the submissive state of mind, working off the principle that the more control given and taken furthers the state of mind.

So what happens when a submissive is, in fact, not following through with the tasks that have been laid out?  I think this depends on various factors, such as the frequency.  Is it happening daily?  Weekly?  Randomly?  Is it an honest slip-up, or just plain lazyness?  Another factor is sincerity:  does the submissive genuinely feel bad for the mistake, or do they make excuses for their actions?  It’s one thing if they explain why a task was not completed, but it is completely different if they whine and complain and try to insinuate that it is unreasonable and that it is why said task was not completed.  If a submissive is willing to admit their fault and accept responsibility for their actions and their consequences, then it can be viewed as a growth experience.  You hope they learn from their mistake and move on from the situation.  However, if the submissive huffs and grumbles about how unfair it all is, are they genuinely committed to what they are doing?

Imho, the most important aspect of the inability to complete said task is how the submissive feels.  For one, does the submissive even tell the Dominant that they slipped up?  For two, are they sincere in their regret in making said mistake?  In my case, I forgot to make the bed this morning.  I almost forgot a few times at the start of the process, so I modified my routine so that I made the bed immediately after I woke up.  Today, I had to change the sheets since I would have houseguests using my bed.  Then the guests arrived before I had time to change the sheets, and we left the house in a rush.  I didn’t realize my error until I got home and went to change, then noticed the bed was still a mess.  Immediately there was this sinking feeling in my stomach and the words ‘oh shit’ going through my mind.  I stood there staring at it for a moment, then sighed and starting ripping the blankets off the bed.  I removed all the sheets, put the new ones on, and placed all the blankets and pillows in a neat, organized manner.  And I didn’t drag out the inevitable, telling him about my slip with little/no excuses.  As I told him I felt shame, I felt horrible.  Even doing the task at the moment of remembering it doesn’t erase the fact that it wasn’t done.  If I try to tell myself this, then I’m just lying and fooling no one.

So in summary, what is my opinion of rituals and tasks?  They serve their purposes well.  When I accomplish them without any issues I feel overwhelming satisfaction.  As I make the bed, as I dress myself, as I make myself cum, I am happy that I am doing exactly what he wants of me when and how he wants it.  When I make a mistake, I confess my error and accept the consequences for my actions without second thought.  I feel horrible and guilty, but it makes me mentally take note to not repeat the same mistake twice.  By slipping up I seem to double my efforts to not do so again, reinforcing my dedication to my submission and following his list of tasks.  So whether negative or positive, large or small, having little rituals to follow day to day brings me closer to him, and makes me feel as if I grow a little bit more.